Have you ever had one of those days where you feel absolutely shattered, but when you look at what you have physically done, it doesn’t seem to quite add up?
You might have been busy, yes. You might have had work, children, messages, meals to think about, jobs to do, people needing things from you. All the normal bits of life.
But sometimes the tiredness feels bigger than the day itself.
It can feel like you are dragging around a weight that nobody else can see.
And often, when people feel like this, they start looking for the reason outside of themselves.
Maybe I need more sleep.
Maybe I need a better routine.
Maybe I need to be more organised.
Maybe I’m burnt out.
Maybe I’m just not coping as well as everyone else.
Of course, practical things matter. Sleep matters. Rest matters. Food matters. Our bodies matter. I am never going to sit here and pretend we can neglect the body and expect to feel wonderful. That would be slightly ridiculous, even for me.
But there is another kind of tiredness I see a lot.
The tiredness that comes from overthinking.
The tiredness that comes from mentally living in several timelines at once.
When your mind is carrying yesterday and tomorrow
Sometimes we are exhausted because today barely gets a look in.
We are physically here, making breakfast, answering emails, driving to work, walking the dog, putting the washing on, replying to the message, having the conversation.
But mentally, we are not just here.
We are in yesterday, thinking about what we said, what we should have done, whether we got it wrong, whether somebody is annoyed with us, whether we made a mistake, whether that thing meant something.
And then we are in tomorrow, imagining the conversation that has not happened yet, the problem that might come up, the way we might feel, the thing we might not cope with, the outcome we cannot possibly know yet.
No wonder we are tired.
It is a lot to ask of a human being, isn’t it?
To live today, while also trying to tidy up yesterday and prepare for every possible version of tomorrow.
And what makes it tricky is that it can feel sensible. It can feel like responsibility. It can feel like you are being careful, prepared, thoughtful, aware.
But there is a difference between calmly dealing with what is here and mentally rehearsing life before it has happened.
One tends to feel clear.
The other feels noisy, urgent and heavy.
Overthinking often disguises itself as being responsible
This is why so many people miss it.
They don’t think they are overthinking. They think they are just being sensible.
They are planning ahead.
They are making sure nobody is upset.
They are trying to avoid mistakes.
They are checking all the angles.
They are making sure they don’t get caught out.
They are trying to be a good parent, partner, friend, colleague, business owner, human.
And I understand that completely.
Because when something matters to us, the mind can get very busy around it. If we care about doing well, being kind, keeping people safe, making good decisions or not letting anyone down, it can look like the answer is to think more.
But often, the more we think, the less clear we feel.
We go round and round in our heads, trying to find certainty from a place that is already unsettled. We analyse how we feel, then analyse why we feel that way, then analyse whether the feeling means something, then analyse whether we are analysing too much.
It becomes a lot.
And at some point, we are not solving anything anymore. We are just tiring ourselves out.
Why anxiety and tiredness can go hand in hand
When the mind is busy, the body often responds.
You might feel tense. Wired. Heavy. Flat. Restless. A bit sick. A bit shaky. Like your body is trying to keep up with a life-or-death situation, even though you are technically just standing in the kitchen making a cup of tea.
That does not mean you are broken.
It does not mean your body is betraying you.
It simply makes sense that if your mind is spending a lot of time in imagined futures, unresolved past moments, possible problems and what-if scenarios, your body may respond as though there is something to prepare for.
This is where people can become frightened of their own experience.
They feel tired, anxious, strange or overwhelmed, and then the mind starts asking, “Why do I feel like this? What if this gets worse? What if I can’t cope? What if there is something wrong with me?”
Before long, the feeling itself becomes the thing to solve.
And that is often where the suffering deepens. Not because the feeling is dangerous, but because we misunderstand what it is showing us.
What if the tiredness is an invitation to come back to now?
I am not suggesting you need to force yourself into the present moment like it is another self-improvement project to fail at by Tuesday.
That is not what I mean.
You do not need to become a perfectly present, floaty, calm person who never gets caught in thought. Please don’t add that to your list. The list is long enough.
But it can be helpful to begin noticing when your mind has wandered into places it cannot actually do anything useful.
Yesterday has already happened.
Tomorrow is not here yet.
That conversation you are rehearsing may never unfold the way you imagine. That mistake you keep replaying may not mean what your tired mind says it means. That feeling you are trying to get rid of may settle more naturally when it is not being watched, judged and interrogated every five minutes.
There is something deeply relieving about seeing this.
Not as a technique.
More as a gentle realisation.
“Oh, I’m not failing at life. My mind is just very busy right now.”
Even that tiny bit of understanding can create a little space.
And in that space, we often find the next simple thing.
Not the whole life plan. Not the answer to every problem. Just the next thing.
Make the cup of tea.
Reply to the email.
Take the dog out.
Eat something.
Rest for ten minutes.
Let the thought move through without turning it into a full committee meeting.
You do not have to solve every thought to be okay
One of the biggest misunderstandings I see is the belief that we have to deal with every thought before we can feel settled.
But thoughts are moving all the time.
They come and go. They change. They look different depending on our mood, our tiredness, our hormones, our environment, our state of mind.
A thought that feels completely convincing at midnight can look ridiculous by breakfast.
A worry that feels urgent when you are exhausted can soften after a walk, a conversation, some food, or simply a bit of time.
This is why I talk so much about understanding rather than fixing.
Because when we understand thought differently, we do not have to be quite so frightened by what passes through the mind. We do not have to treat every feeling as an emergency or every worry as wisdom.
Sometimes tiredness is practical and we need to rest.
Sometimes tiredness is mental and we need to see how much we have been carrying in thought.
Often, it is a bit of both.
And either way, you are not broken.
You are human.
Begin seeing anxiety, overthinking and fear differently
If this has made you curious, start with my free mini-series, Understand Anxiety, Overthinking & Fear Differently.
It is a gentle three-part introduction to The Unrestricted Model®, where I explore why you are not broken, why fear is not wisdom, and why discomfort does not mean danger.
You do not need to have it all figured out before you begin.
You do not need to feel calm first.
You can start exactly where you are.
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