This might sound confronting at first, especially if anxiety has been something you’ve lived with for a long time.

When anxiety shows up day after day, it’s very easy to assume it must be the problem. That if you could just get rid of it, manage it better, or finally “crack it”, life would settle and feel easier again.

But what if that assumption isn’t actually true?

What if anxiety itself isn’t the thing making life feel so hard…
and the real strain is coming from the constant, exhausting fight with it?

When anxiety shows up, we try to get rid of it

Most people don’t actually mind having thoughts.
Thoughts come and go all the time.

What feels unbearable is the feeling that comes with certain thoughts.

The tight chest. The buzzing body. The sense of urgency.
That uncomfortable pull that says, something is wrong and I need to deal with this right now.

So we do what seems sensible.
We try to control it.

We analyse where it came from, replay conversations, scan for triggers, and work out how to stop it happening again. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, that we should be coping better, that other people wouldn’t struggle like this.

Without realising it, anxiety slowly becomes something we’re constantly managing.
And that effort alone can be utterly exhausting.

The vicious cycle nobody warns you about

Here’s the part that often goes unseen:

The more we try to prevent anxiety, the more important it starts to feel.

The mind begins checking in on itself constantly.

“Am I okay now?”
“What if it comes back later?”
“What if this gets worse?”
“What if I can’t cope next time?”

Life starts being lived slightly ahead of itself. Not because anything bad is actually happening… but because thinking has taken you there.

And the body responds as if those imagined futures are real.

Anxiety feeds on resistance, not danger

This is one of the most misunderstood aspects of anxiety.

Anxiety doesn’t stay loud because it’s accurately detecting danger.
It stays loud because it’s being treated as something that must not be allowed.

When anxiety shows up and an internal battle begins, the nervous system gets a very clear message: this matters, pay attention.

Not because something truly dangerous is happening, but because anxiety itself is being experienced as a threat.

Ironically, trying to eliminate anxiety keeps it centre stage.

Feelings aren’t instructions. They’re feedback.

A lot of people assume feelings are telling them what to do next.

But feelings are simply reflecting the quality of thinking in that moment.

When thinking is busy, pressured, or fearful, the feelings that accompany it will feel intense and uncomfortable. When thinking naturally settles, feelings soften too.

Even strong emotions like grief, sadness, or fear are still experienced through thought. That doesn’t make them wrong, dramatic, or something to dismiss. It just means they aren’t commands you need to follow or problems you need to solve.

They change when thinking changes.
And thinking always changes.

You don’t need to drop the thought

This is where many people accidentally make things harder for themselves.

You don’t need to force your mind to calm down.
You don’t need to interrupt thoughts or replace them with “better” ones.
You don’t need to apply a technique perfectly.

The moment you’re trying, effort has crept back in.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply notice:

“I’m in my head right now.”

And stop there.

No fixing.
No analysing.
No next step.

That noticing alone creates space, because it takes you out of the story and back into the present.

Why “what if” thinking feels so convincing

Anxiety has a particular fondness for hypothetical futures.

“What if I get ill again?”
“What if this ruins everything?”
“What if I can’t cope when it happens?”

These thoughts feel urgent, responsible, and convincing. It can feel almost negligent not to think about them.

But anything that follows what if is imagination.

It hasn’t happened.
It may never happen.
And no amount of worrying about a future scenario has ever prevented one.

Yet the body reacts as though it’s already real.

Low moods don’t mean you’re failing

Another quiet trap is believing you should be in a better state of mind.

More motivated.
More positive.
More together.

But being human means moods fluctuate. Energy rises and falls. Emotions move around.

Peace isn’t about staying calm all the time.
It’s about knowing that calm returns — without you having to manufacture it.

Low moods don’t mean you’ve gone backwards.
They just mean you’re human, having a moment.

Anxiety doesn’t need to go away for life to feel better

This part often surprises people.

Life frequently starts feeling lighter before anxiety disappears.

Why?

Because the fight ends first.

When anxiety is no longer treated as a problem that needs fixing, it loses its authority. It might still show up from time to time, but it no longer dictates your choices, your confidence, or your sense of safety.

And quite often, when it’s no longer needed, it fades quietly into the background.

Not because you pushed it out…
but because it was allowed to be there.

You were never broken

Anxiety isn’t evidence that something is wrong with you.

It’s evidence that you’re human, with a mind capable of creating very convincing stories.

You don’t need fixing.
You don’t need to master your thoughts.
You don’t need to eliminate fear.

You just need to see what’s actually happening.

From there, things begin to soften — naturally.
Not through effort. Not through control. 
But through understanding.