A kinder way to understand what’s really happening

There’s a moment many people dread.

You’ve been feeling better.
Calmer. Clearer.
Less caught up in your thoughts.

And then… anxiety comes back.

Maybe it’s subtle at first. A familiar tightness. A flicker of worry.
Or maybe it crashes in loudly- racing thoughts, physical symptoms, that horrible sinking feeling.

And almost instantly, your mind jumps in with the same conclusion:

• “I’m back at square one.”
• “I knew this wouldn’t last.”
• “I’ve lost everything I worked so hard for.”

If you’ve ever had that thought, I want you to pause for a second.

Because this is one of the biggest misunderstandings people have about anxiety and healing and it causes so much unnecessary fear. 

You haven’t gone backwards - even if it feels like you have.

Anxiety doesn’t disappear in a straight line. It doesn’t politely pack its bags and leave forever because you’ve had a few insights or some calmer months.

It comes and goes. It ebbs and flows. It quietens… then flares.

That doesn’t mean something has gone wrong.

It means you’re human.

What feels like a setback is very often just a temporary shift in your state of mind.

A moment of tired thinking. A nervous system that’s been doing a lot lately. But when the feelings return, the mind loves to tell a very convincing story.

“This proves I’m not better.”
“This proves I’m fragile.”
“This proves nothing has really changed.”

And that story can feel incredibly real when you’re in it.

Let me tell you something important: 

You cannot lose insight.

You cannot unsee what you’ve already seen about how your mind works.
You cannot undo your understanding of thought, feeling and consciousness.

You can forget it temporarily.
You can get caught again.
You can feel overwhelmed and lose perspective.

But that is not the same as starting over.

It’s more like… losing sight of the horizon because fog has rolled in.

The horizon hasn’t gone anywhere. You just can’t see it clearly for a moment.

A story from OUR Membership

Recently, someone shared something that really stayed with me.

She said that for years, she had intense anxiety around her husband falling asleep.
It used to send her straight into panic - racing thoughts, checking behaviours, fear spirals.

It felt completely unmanageable.

Over time, as her understanding deepened, something quietly shifted.

And one day she said:

“He still falls asleep the same way… but it doesn’t bother me 95% of the time now. Isn’t that funny?”

Nothing outside had changed.

Same husband.
Same behaviour.
Same situation.

But her experience was completely different.

That’s not an accident. That’s not luck. That’s understanding doing what understanding does. 

When anxiety returns, it doesn’t erase what’s changed

This is where people get tripped up.

When anxiety comes back, they assume it means they’re exactly where they were before.

But if you really look, that’s rarely true.

You might notice the anxiety sooner now.
You might recognise the pattern faster.
You might still feel uncomfortable - but you’re less frightened of the feeling itself.

Those things matter.

They tell me that even when you’re struggling, something fundamental has shifted underneath.

You’re not back at the beginning.
You’re meeting a familiar feeling from a different level of awareness.

Think of it like the weather

I often use this analogy because it’s so simple. If you understand that the sun exists, a storm doesn’t undo that knowledge.

Clouds can roll in.
Rain can fall.
The sky can darken.

But the sun hasn’t disappeared.

Anxiety is the same.

Your wellbeing doesn’t vanish because a thought storm shows up.
Your clarity doesn’t get deleted because you’re having a low day.

It’s still there.
Just temporarily obscured.

Why “I’m back at square one” usually appears when you’re tired

Here’s something I’ve noticed over and over again: People don’t decide they’ve gone backwards when they’re rested, grounded and present.

That conclusion almost always shows up when someone is:

• exhausted
• emotionally worn down
• overstimulated
• juggling too much
• thinking a lot

In those moments, thoughts feel heavier. They stick more. They sound more believable.

So the mind draws a dramatic conclusion and presents it as truth.

But it’s not truth.
It’s just low-energy thinking doing what it does best.

Sometimes anxiety feels worse because you understand more

This might sound strange, but hear me out.

When your understanding deepens, you become more aware of your internal world. You notice things sooner. You feel more. You see patterns more clearly.

So when anxiety appears, it can feel sharper - not because it’s stronger, but because you’re more conscious of it.

It’s like turning the lights on in a room. The room didn’t suddenly get messier. You’re just seeing what’s there more clearly.

That awareness is growth.
Not regression.

A personal reflection

This past year has brought me some very deep insights.

One of them has been around the phrase “life is short”.

I’d said it for years, like most people do.
I understood it intellectually.

But recently, it landed somewhere deeper.

And instead of feeling urgent or scary, it felt… freeing. Light. Almost playful.

Life is short - so why not enjoy it?
Life is short - so why take every thought so seriously?
Life is short - so why not show up as I am?

Now, does that mean I never get caught up anymore? Of course not.

I still have tired days. Hormonal days. Overthinking days. The difference is that I trust myself to come back again. And I always do.

You’re not on a ladder - you’re on a spiral

Many people imagine healing like a ladder. Up is good, down is bad. But it’s not like that, it’s more like a spiral. You pass through similar experiences… but from a slightly different place each time.

More awareness.
More compassion.
More space.

So when anxiety shows up again, it’s not dragging you backwards. It’s often inviting you to see something new.

If you’re in a wobble right now

Let me say this clearly, gently, and without any drama:

You have not failed. You are not broken again. You are not back at square one.

You’re human.
You’re thinking.
You’re feeling.

And this moment will pass - just like all the others have.

Your understanding hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s simply waiting for the noise to settle so you can feel it again.

If you’d like support while you navigate these ups and downs, you’re always welcome inside my membership.

Wherever you are today, you’re not starting over.

You’re continuing forward. 💛